i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Randomize
