dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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