Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Randomize
