You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
My vagina is officially offended.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
