we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
