So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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