take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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