I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
