Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
