May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
