im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
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I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
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Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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