how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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