I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
