why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
