I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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