the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
