I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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