I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
