Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize
