if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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