So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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