the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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