i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
