honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
