I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
