my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
