the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
