You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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