My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
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You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
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You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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