..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
