I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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