I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
