now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
