My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
