my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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