the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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