Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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