Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
