Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
