Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
