I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
