Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
