Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
