some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
