So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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