I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
