dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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