I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
nutella sex= disaster
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
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I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
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It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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