If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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