Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
