It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Gay?
German.
Pity.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
