Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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