I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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