Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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