his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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