they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
