I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
