Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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