No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
And then my night got REAL pukey
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
