He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
