We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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