I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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