so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
