Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
