You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
