I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
