he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
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