Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
