Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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