I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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