True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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