you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Randomize
