I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
i am craving dick and cupcakes
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
