Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
