I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
