I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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