So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
