I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds