Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future