Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?