I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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