I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
