Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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