Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I puked a lego.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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