Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
