It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
