i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
