i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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